A glimpse into my mind...

So... I write. I have found great release in my writing. I wouldn't consider myself good, but I enjoy it and that's all that matters really. An entire story has flowed through my fingers to the keyboard and half of it I sometimes never know what it is until I've gone back to re-read it. I don't find that frustrating in the least. In fact, I love those times. Its like the characters take over and I have no say so in the matter. One instance of this in particular was very difficult for me because as I reached a certain point I realized what was going to happen and had to stop. I fought with this character in my head (don't commit me now... every writer suffers from the same condition or so I'm told... Maybe they just tell me that to make me feel better) for a little over an hour trying to persuade him there had to be another way. Long story short. He got his way. I wont say what happened for those who haven't read, but it wasn't pleasant. It altered the entire course of the book really. This portion made it possible for other things to happen. It was in no way easy for me, but I knew it had to happen the way it did for the story to play out the way it needed to. Confused? Tell me about it. I often feel that way. Ive come to a place in my three part story where it is getting harder to write. Not because I don't want to. I think it is because I know what is going to happen and I'm not sure I'm prepared to deal with the ending yet. Ive already written the bare bones of it. All that's left is getting to the point where I can paste it in and fill in the muscle and the emotion. I even know what will happen up to that point. The major pieces anyway. Maybe its because I don't want to see it come to an end yet... but I know it has to. The way this one ends, there is no continuing really. Not on the same path anyway. I want to finish it, because its pestering me to finish it, and because I want to see it completed. But I don't want to see my characters story come to an end. They are a part of me, an extension of my being really. Some of them started out as tributes to those no longer in this world, or as tributes to my friends and the people I admire, but they have become so much more now that they truly are a part of me. They talk in their own voices, they decide what will happen to them and how they will react. Its like they are their own people roaming around in my head begging to have their story told to the world.
I suppose it wont really be the ending to me. Another writer I love and admire once said that their characters continued on in her mind because she had to know what happened to each of them even if the world didn't, even if they came to their own assumptions about the futures of these characters, but she had to know, so she does.. That at least gives me hope that my characters wont leave me. Perhaps new ones will take their place. But Ill always have a special place for my first, for they have been with me for a long while. They may have had several different names, but essentially they are the same people really.
So to those who have read and continue to read my writing... I ask you to keep pestering me (One - I wont say any names Mrs. ger - in particular already does daily, hourly even) Because It helps me to keep going. I will say no amount of wanting it will make me write faster, I have to do it at my own pace, but just knowing that you want it makes me want to write, so I thank you for that. Without you, I don't know where this story would be. Chances are it would be lying around unfinished, gaining dust on a shelf, or taking up space on a zip drive. Thanks to you I can say that I have accomplished something and am very close to completing it. I can never thank you enough for that... so please keep "Requiring more pages..." Not only for your sake, but for mine. ;)