Wow, it's been a while!

I have been out of it for a bit I guess, what with the birth of my Daughter, Liberty, and then going back to work and getting back into a schedule. and then the holidays... let us not forget those! :)

As I read through prior posts I have realized how much should be updated. I have finished my trilogy of books, finally... I still work in vain to get them published... Which brings me to the topic of this blog.

In this economy i have frequently read that the age of traditional publishing is going down hill. By traditional publishing I mean finding an agent, who finds you a publisher, who negotiates a price for your book and you get royalties... blah blah blah...Now it seems that self publishing is becoming more and more popular... and with results!

With the uprising of Kindle and other electronic book reading ability out there it is now a lot easier to get your work to the public. And on sites such as Kindle, the royalties are far greater than traditional publishing.... So which route do you take?

Do you stick to your guns and only work on that Agent, however vain that quest may be? Yes, you have people that like your work, and the agents you have sent to have all said good things about it, but none of them want to take it. Makes you wonder if they are just telling you it is good to make you feel better. But why would an agent do that? Not like they sleep better at night by telling some lowly aspiring author that their work has potential when they still reject it.

With the option of self publishing out there... why not? Now of course all the work of the agent would have to be done by you in order to self publish. You dont want to be one of those yahoos out there that publishes their work when it is in first draft form because a couple friends told them it was the best book and were really trying not to hurt his feelings.

I often wonder if those who have read my work are not doing the same thing. Just telling me it is good to spare my feelings. I trust enough of them to know they would be honest with me though. But when you receive rejection after rejection after rejection... you cannot help but doubt. Did they just see something that no one else will? Is it really unpublishable? am I silly to even try?

Then there is the other writers out there, the ones who have gone the hard route, have made it into an agent's client list, have spent the years working at it. Is it not a cheat to do it yourself just to see it in print? Is it the easy way out?

So you see my dilemma. and quite a dilemma it is, with those who support you pushing you to do something with it, to want to see something happen with it... Not necessarily for the money, or the fame (though it would be nice, i have to think realistically here)... but just to accomplish it. I do not have the dillusion that anyone other than my close friends and family will buy a self published version of my work. I know better. But I myself would like to have a hard bound copy to show my children, to read to them at night... just to say I finished it.

A name Dilemma

I have a bit of a Dilemma perhaps some can help with.... So Since my recent reinsertion back into the SCA full swing (including taking offices and autocrating events...) I have been working on persona, name, device, blah blah blah.
How hard can that be? you say... Let me tell you.
Names and Devices have to be documented. Persona, not as difficult i guess depending on how deep into it you go and how involved you make it. Im not even there yet. Lately, just name and Device.
So a wonderful friend, Claire/ Cynehild, previously mentioned in a past blog for her ridiculous skill of taking on anything and mastering it, has been helping me with a name. My choice that I want is Annah Narie. Simple, easy to say. Problem? Difficult to document. Why must you document you might ask? In order to be approved by the college of heralds it must link back to a time period in the middle ages or Renaissance periods. Basically 11th ish to 16th ish centuries. or roundabouts there anyway. Annah is easier if you cut the H and just go with Anna. similar enough to not warrant any confusion. Narie... not so much. You see, the actual word Narie comes from Tolkien. It means June (which is my birth month if you dont already know.) I liked it and it went well with Annah. Perfect.. hahahah. How little i know. I asked claire to help since she is all around fabulous and would not let it rest until she found it. Well... long story a bit shorter, she found it! YAY!!! Not exact spelling of course. She found Anna Neri. Both names date to right around 15th Century Florentine. Italian i shall be.
Okay so what is the dilemma you say?
This: She also told me that I might have to use a Matro/Patro-nymic name (di' Caterina for example would be my Matronymic name addition.) to make it a complete italian name. She did say I might be safe without it. I could just submit without it and be done... Problem? I stewed over it last night and was thinking about that di' Caterina part. Honestly, I think I like it. So I thought I would put it up for comment... Not that many will.
what do you think? any thoughts...
Anna Neri
or
Anna Neri di' Caterina

50 for 50

For those of you who dont know me, I enjoy dressing up in what you might call funny clothes and recreating the middle ages with an awesome bunch of people here in our beautiful principality of Oertha (known to the mundane world as AK). As a part of the SCA, I have been doing this for a little over 20 years. I grew up in the SCA, and it has really helped to shape who I am today. The values that are learned, and the creativity that blossoms within our group is something I think more people could do with grasping.
Anyways, I doubt that anyone reading this already doesnt know me, so on to the actual topic for discussion this day.
We are coming up on 50 years in 2013. Oertha has a contest going on that is called 50 for 50. Basically it means 50 period items, created by you for the 50 years of the SCA. It can be anything. Illuminated Scrolls, garb, armor bits, bobbin lace, whatever. My choice was garb. The idea is to see how much you have learned, how much you have grown over those 50 pieces. It is quite challenging for me, let me tell you. There are some, who shall remain nameless.... who could pick up anything they wanted and would be fantastic at it. Honestly, I cannot say I am one of those. I chose Garb because I do love to sew, and I wanted to get better. So far I have made 11 full outfits. I have three years left. thank heavens. If you break it down into individual pieces of garb, I have 16. Several were done for me. a couple were made for my son. One was commisioned. A set was made for a friend and her son. Another was for another friend. I still however have at least 37 to go. Oiy. I should get busy then huh. I have one cut out, another planned, a third drawn out and awaiting the lining fur when funds allow. This game isnt cheap, thats for sure. (Oh how I love the 1.50 rack at Walmart).
In my to do list is the cut out piece (A houppeland), the planned piece (a coat), and the drawn out piece (a full persian/middle eastern set for a friend.)
I know one thing for sure. I cant make 50 pieces for me. Aside from the fact that my closet might get full which wouldnt really bother me none, I do believe that my husband would throw the mother of all hissy fits especially considering that my current sewing room may soon end up being the baby's room depending on gender. I think I need to do like one of those who above mentioned is fantastic at anything she attempts... again she shall remain nameless (I can say though she was just admitted into the order of the oerthan sword..haha!) and make garb for others. That sounds like a fantastic Idea for me. And I do believe that my husband might like that a little better because then the finished product would be shlupped out of the house and not stored away in my closet. Though I think first I should finish my work in progresses. that might be a good idea and a good way of getting rid of those piles of fabric.
For my 50th piece I am looking at tudorish or something french as my persona may be leaning more toward that. But until then... I need people who want new Garb... perferably something that might challenge me but that I cant screw up too bad. Any takers?... haha..

How long?

This week in our house, we had a new family member added. Im not speaking of the baby that will be here in July, but a new cat. He is an older cat, maybe 4-5 years old, and is a siamese ragdoll cat. He arrived on our porch on Friday and man was he beat up. He has been through some fights, and has had a hard life. Lucky for him he found our door, Right? Lucky that we are willing to let him stay, Right?
We already have one cat for anyone who doesnt know, by the name of Tigger. otherwise fondly known as Tiggy, or tigg-tigg. He doesnt like the new cat, now named Goku (my son named him). They dont get along at ALL. Goku is very mellow though and hasnt challenged Tigger at all. Their relationship is one based on ignoring each other, and glaring over distances.
Well, we took Goku to the vet to get fixed today, and since he was an outdoor cat and has been as such for a while it would appear (judging by his beatup state), they like to test for Feline Leukemia, especially if you have other cats, like we do.
Long story short, He tested Positive. Now what does that mean? It means Tigger and Goku can never cohabitate lest Tigger contract the disease so Goku must take up residence in our Garage, while Tigg gets the house. (Tigger isnt complaining) Goku has spent most the weekend in the Garage, and he actually likes it. Heck, its warmer than outside, right? What else does that positive test mean? It means that Goku can have a life span of anwhere from a few months to a few years. Personally I think he is closer to the few months side of his life. He only lays about. He still eats, and he drinks and he still uses his litter box and all, but he doesnt run around like Tigger does, he spends more time laying down than walking around. He does love Catnip Though. He kindof commendeered Tigger's catnip candy cane.
Why did he come to our door? Perhaps to get some needed love before he passed? How do you explain to a 4 year old little boy that his new cat is sick and might not live very long? The only time we have had to deal with death was with his fish, and we told him that Nemo went on permanent Vacation to a fishy tank in the sky. Not so simple now that he is older. Not so easy with him being so perceptive.
At least the cat found the right house, he found a house that wont throw him back outside. he found a house that will love him for the remainder of his life, no matter how short that may be.
Welcome home, Goku. No matter how long.

A glimpse into my mind...

So... I write. I have found great release in my writing. I wouldn't consider myself good, but I enjoy it and that's all that matters really. An entire story has flowed through my fingers to the keyboard and half of it I sometimes never know what it is until I've gone back to re-read it. I don't find that frustrating in the least. In fact, I love those times. Its like the characters take over and I have no say so in the matter. One instance of this in particular was very difficult for me because as I reached a certain point I realized what was going to happen and had to stop. I fought with this character in my head (don't commit me now... every writer suffers from the same condition or so I'm told... Maybe they just tell me that to make me feel better) for a little over an hour trying to persuade him there had to be another way. Long story short. He got his way. I wont say what happened for those who haven't read, but it wasn't pleasant. It altered the entire course of the book really. This portion made it possible for other things to happen. It was in no way easy for me, but I knew it had to happen the way it did for the story to play out the way it needed to. Confused? Tell me about it. I often feel that way. Ive come to a place in my three part story where it is getting harder to write. Not because I don't want to. I think it is because I know what is going to happen and I'm not sure I'm prepared to deal with the ending yet. Ive already written the bare bones of it. All that's left is getting to the point where I can paste it in and fill in the muscle and the emotion. I even know what will happen up to that point. The major pieces anyway. Maybe its because I don't want to see it come to an end yet... but I know it has to. The way this one ends, there is no continuing really. Not on the same path anyway. I want to finish it, because its pestering me to finish it, and because I want to see it completed. But I don't want to see my characters story come to an end. They are a part of me, an extension of my being really. Some of them started out as tributes to those no longer in this world, or as tributes to my friends and the people I admire, but they have become so much more now that they truly are a part of me. They talk in their own voices, they decide what will happen to them and how they will react. Its like they are their own people roaming around in my head begging to have their story told to the world.
I suppose it wont really be the ending to me. Another writer I love and admire once said that their characters continued on in her mind because she had to know what happened to each of them even if the world didn't, even if they came to their own assumptions about the futures of these characters, but she had to know, so she does.. That at least gives me hope that my characters wont leave me. Perhaps new ones will take their place. But Ill always have a special place for my first, for they have been with me for a long while. They may have had several different names, but essentially they are the same people really.
So to those who have read and continue to read my writing... I ask you to keep pestering me (One - I wont say any names Mrs. ger - in particular already does daily, hourly even) Because It helps me to keep going. I will say no amount of wanting it will make me write faster, I have to do it at my own pace, but just knowing that you want it makes me want to write, so I thank you for that. Without you, I don't know where this story would be. Chances are it would be lying around unfinished, gaining dust on a shelf, or taking up space on a zip drive. Thanks to you I can say that I have accomplished something and am very close to completing it. I can never thank you enough for that... so please keep "Requiring more pages..." Not only for your sake, but for mine. ;)

Random Rants

So I know I just started out on this, but chances are people who know me are going to be the ONLY ones reading this so thats okay. So I will start out with just a rant. This bugged me ALL Day yesterday and I MUST write about it, because if you didnt gather from the title of my blog... I write. So Handshakes.
Maybe its just me, but handshakes can honestly say a lot about people. Aside from the obvious of course of whether they have sweaty hands etc. I'm not talking about that. I mean good sturdy handshakes. When I meet someone new, or have a meeting with someone I already know regarding business, a handshake is normal. its courteous, a greeting, whatever you want to call it. Now, to my rant... What drives me nuts is when you have weak little handshakes where the other person barely even touches your hand. Especially from guys. Do they think that just because I am a woman I cant shake hands properly? Hello? what does that tell me? That you dont like touching people? If thats the case, fine.... Why even offer your hand? Especially if you work in a business where you are dealing with clients and coming to their place of business... AAAHhhh it just irritates me. The dainty little handshakes I expect from women who only wear dresses and walk in heels and always look perfect, but not from a guy. Its just wrong. It makes me think that they think I cant shake hands. I was raised that a sturdy handshake says a lot about you. It says you arent afraid to meet new people, it says you arent afraid of different, new or challenging situations. Even if you are, you can portray you arent by a nice sturdy handshake.

So okay, now you think I'm crazy, but thats okay. Hope you enjoyed my rant. Hope you enjoyed the tiny glimpse into my brain... I assure you, more will follow. And if you're lucky, or Im feeling generous, I might add some actual real writing in here that I am proud of or that people keep pestering me for - You know who you are....:)